Living

One of the hardest things to do in the face of this tragedy is choosing to LIVE. Not just going day-to-day and making it, but living, enjoying life in spite of the greatest trauma anyone will ever face--the death of a child. I hadn't noticed it really, until the weekend of Taylor's dance recital.

I've done some counseling at the Amelia Center, and one thing she told me was that days we had imagined before our child died are some of the hardest. Well, Taylor's dance recital was one of those days. I don't know why I had thought about it, but I had. I couldn't wait for Leah to watch her big sister on stage. As that day was approaching, I thought about how much I wanted to just stay in bed and pull the covers over my head. I realized then that I have a choice to make, everyday.

I can choose to stay in bed, or I can get up and LIVE.

I can go to work and enjoy it, challenge myself, chat with my co-workers and smile.

I can go to Crossfit and eat right and feel better about myself.

I can engage with Taylor and be the mommy to her I wish I could've been with Leah and her together. (I still need lots of work here because grieving is truly exhausting!)

I can go watch my precious daughter dance the routines she's been practicing for months. I can swell with pride as she gets to dance moves right and laugh as she tries to take her costume off on stage because, "it itched".

I can dance with Taylor in the kitchen while we're cleaning the house.

I can go on a date with Adam.

We can go to Mexico for our 10th anniversary!

I can, and will, choose to LIVE.