Letter to Leah - Happy 18 months!

My dearest Leah,

Today you turn 18 months old. I'm not sure why, but this somewhat random anniversary has been hard for me. I was thinking last night about writing you this letter and ended up crying myself to sleep. I have missed you so much over these past 18 months. I've missed every milestone you would have hit by now--nursing, smiling, eating homemade baby food, sitting up, crawling, walking, talking and everything in between. As much as I love of all our pictures of Taylor during her first 18 months, each one of them reminds of a picture we didn't get to take of you. I wonder what you would look like today, I wonder what your personality would be like, I wonder so many things.

We've had a fun weekend over this 4th of July holiday, and I've missed you every minute, just like I always do. We've been to Splash Adventure Waterpark twice, and Taylor has realized she likes riding the big slides. She gets so excited about it. I can't ride with her because I'm pregnant with your little brother, so I sit down at the bottom of the slide waiting on her and your daddy. I have a lot of time to think during that waiting, and I'm usually thinking about you. I think about how I wouldn't be waiting on them to get down the slide, but you and I would be playing over in the baby area. You and me would be sliding down the little slides together and you'd be laughing and loving it, just like Taylor did when she was your age.

Taylor would be such a good big sister to you. She loves you so much and misses you so much. She tells me all the time how much she misses you. She even gets to dream about you, and I'm a little jealous about that.

It's so funny to watch her and Andi together, but I can't help but think about how you should be right there with them. Andi loves Taylor so much and just screams and laughs whenever she sees her. I know you would be the same way, you would love your sister so much. You and Andi would be thick as thieves too! You three girls would have so much fun together.

My sweet girl, I miss you more than I can ever put into words. I know you've missed a lot of pain in this world, and I know you are loving your time in heaven with Jesus. As I told you when you died, there are a lot of people jealous of  you. But, it doesn't take away my pain of not getting to love you and experience you here on Earth. I can't wait for the day when Jesus comes back so we can all be together again. Until that day baby girl, I love you and miss you!